Challenging the Challenge

Almost before I get going, I am completely challenged in my challenge.  Wow.  I did not expect this to be so hard.  A simple task of removing negativity and limiting words from my life for 30 days.  I've hit a stumbling block right out of the gate.  I don't see that as negative or limiting, I see it as holy cow, how am I going to get through today.

I caught myself very easily slipping into the easier mind set of thinking negative thoughts and having negative feeling when faced with a situation that did not go as it should have.  A situation that has historically has almost always been very negative and unpleasant but has turned around of late and things wee good.  Yesterday, reared it's ugly head and caught me by surprise and today must be dealt with.

I'm not so sure what I am feeling is negative talk or limiting feeling as much as it is me as a manager having to face yet another ugly matter.  One which makes me uncomfortable with because personal feeling are going to really tested.  Unhappiness is likely to be felt by several people. I'm not ready for this in a week that has already had it's share of unpleasantness.  So what to do?

The first thing I must do is to get control of my own emotions and not let the unpleasantness of this situation get mixed in with the realities of actions and conversations that need to take place.  The situation is partially my own fault because I did not get some things done that should have been done long before today.  I know that and have discussed that with those involved...  just a day or so ago.  My fault, I know that and am working to correct it.  I am just irritated by the actions of some as if they did not know and as a result, I have slipped into thinking and being negative about the situation. 

I am frustrated but know what I have to do today, ready or not, things must get done, priorities have been changed and actions must be done today.  Go pay the price.

January's Challenge

This is positively going to be a good month.

My goal for the month is to turn the leaf over...  to start anew....  to live for a renewed purpose.  God works in amazing ways as I was immediately challenged with a very difficult situation at work and this lurking cough turning into a real feeling of being ill.  I couldn't hold my grandson after he came home from surgery so I didn't spread my germs and I wasn't available to help my daughter move into her new house.  How can I be positive?  Simple.  Those are just roadblocks and hiccups that try to break our will to do what's right.

It was first suggested to me that I should write a book in the mid 1980's.  I don't recall the persons name right now, but I remember where his office was on Route 1 in Portsmouth, NH.  I was going through a tough time and decided to continue talking to the marriage counselor my then former wife and I had seen while we were still married.  I really tried to do "the right thing" in all things I did, especially as it related to the kids during that time (and during the divorce of my first wife as well).  For the most part I had been putting on a good show, being tough and happy on the outside, dying on the inside.  I think I hid the dying part pretty well, maybe not as well as I thought.

Today is a new beginning.  Today is D-Day...  Dan's day...  Do it Day... Day one of the new beginning.  If you don't do anything different, you can hardly expect to achieve different results.  If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got.  Change is only the result of change.  Thank you Kirk Weisler for the bag of corks, it so easily will help me explain how change can produce results, it's so obvious. (I love analogies and props).  Now to apply the "Cork Theory" to the life I want.

I think Napoleon Hill discussed "definite in purpose" in Think and Grow Rich (I need to verify that reference).  What are our goals?  What is the purpose for which we are?  That's first.  These are some of the thins running through my head.

1. Find a good non-denominational bible based church...  I miss the life of Oasis Family Fellowship and must find a new place to call home.
2. Be a better family member... take charge of my household and the things that surround it.
3. Don't miss the things my kids and grand kids do (I like this one and do a pretty good job now).
4. Be a better leader and mentor to and for my staff.
5. Do more to help those in need of help
6. Share my story with as many that I can find that will listen
7. Have a story to tell worth telling and tell it at a national convention (I  know what this means - it's a placeholder for now)

Getting Jazzed Times 2

Yesterday I wrote about how Becca Levie got me pretty jazzed by talking with me about a couple of books and suggestions for the help I was seeking.  Today I am jazzed times 2!  Finished reading chapter 1 of Outwitting the Devil and I was having revelations in just a matter of a few pages.

I've often (jokingly) accused Kirk Weisler of writing in his T4D blog (http://kirkweisler.com/t4d/) write to me because he keeps hitting me right between the eyes with his words of wisdom.  I think Napoleon Hill hit me with a sledge hammer!  How did he know so much about me back in the early 1900's.  I am amazes, jazzed, inspired and already seeing a new beginning, and I've only read chapter 1.  Thank you!  You're going to have to read it yourself to understand. You'll have to walk in similar shoes to really understand.

My mind has been so full of thoughts tonight I have almost jumped from one end of the stick to the opposite end without even thinking.  That does not really compute since I am a believer that most everything that goes on happens squarely between our ears...  in our mind.  When the mind is lost and full of indecision, things just don't work very well.  We can't make rational, logical decisions.  We don't behave and act in a manner that traditionally has been normal for us.  We begin doing the things we would normally not care for in others.  I have been stuck in that mould for several months...  maybe several years.  I knew it, I didn't like it and I knew it had to chance...  I just just didn't know how.  That has changed.

Dr. Hill wrote "My reasoning faculty had almost been paralyzed".  As Sharon Lechter annotated, I have felt discouraged and irritable and it became debilitating to me at work, at home and in all I did.  I was not me. I now know why and am focused on a path of change.  First returning to the old Dan, then continuing to get better in every way, every day.

Outwitting the Devil....

I never heard of the book Outwitting the Devil, by Napolean Hill, until tonight.  Thank you so much Becca Levie (http://www.beccalevie.com/), you're the best!

Today...  no, tonight, is the start of a new direction.  I may have said it before, but tonight, December 22, 2011, I move forward with a new vision...  a new desire....  with new purpose.  Take note of that.  I no longer want to be blue...  be down...  be overwhelmed.  I need to put on a smile from within, not just a surface smile.  It serves no purpose to be a prisoner of life.  Becca gave me a gift tonight...  words that had been given to her before, shared with me tonight....

 "Our capacity to feel joy, peace and happiness is in direct proportion to the depth of pain and sorrow we experience. Knowing this during dark times gives us a reason to put one step in front of another until we once again find joy and back to a place of great joy and hope."


me with Les Brown, April 2011

 This all started during a conversation with Becca as she shared about a book she was finishing reading by Les Brown.  Les is an incredible rags to riches inspiration to all of us that we can reach our own level of greatness.  The cool part is that I have also personally spoken with Les about his story and rise to to national prominence by telling his story.  Telling his story, that's what Kirk Weisler (http://www.kirkweisler.com/) and Phil Gerbyshak (http://www.philgerbyshak.com/) saying to me.  So, what does this all have to do with the title So, what about Outwitting the Devil?  Becca turned me onto this book written by Napolean Hill (author of Think and Grow Rich).  She tells of how he felt like a psuedo leader when he faced a time of such fear and paralizsis (as I feel now) and he didn't believe he could continue (hmm, I know that feeling too). He thought all hope was lost and he couldn't leave his brother-in- laws basement snd he became cruel and a burden. He progressed past that and became one of the greateat teachers of all time.  Such inspiration!

As in coaching, when things get tough, I always said, back to basics.  Thank you tongiht Becca and for many times past, Kirk, Phil and others, for your positive suggestions.  Here we go, one step at a time.

A Short Visit With My Dad...

I was able to get up to Boscawen, NH today to make a short visit with my dad, I really needed some fatherly wisdom and time with him.  It is days and weeks like this that I miss him so.  It's not that we would often sit down and have heart to heart talks... I just looked up to him to help me figure out what I needed to do.  Sometimes the answers might not have been perfect for everyone, but they were perfect for me.  My dad was occasionally a man wiser than his actions, but he always had the best intent.  So do I.

I'm so sad I can't fix what's wrong...  at least to the liking of others.  If I don't fix things, I feel like I'm living in a world of discontent and hearing about how messed up things are.  If I work on fixing things I feel like everyone needs to tell me "there way" rather than support me in my efforts, making it just as bad, if not worse.  I'm between a rock and a hard spot....  I'm like a dog chasing his tail....  I'm overwhelmed and wont it to be better.  How do I get there.

I didn't need to ask Dad, I know the answers... I went there to confide in him and for acceptance and support without reservation of complaint.  I knew he would help without judging.  I knew he would be there no matter what.  I had no where else to turn.

On a side note, until I saw this picture, I didn't know I looked as old and aged as I do.  Guess I'm glad I don't have to look at me...  I'm beginning to look how I feel
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After thought:   One of my Facebook friends just posted ‎"Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on"  While I like that, I'd love to be able to move on with those around me rather than have to create a whole new circle of friends...  is it worth the effort or best just to forgive and forget those that can't forgive and forget without continued drama?  That post was followed with ""Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that ? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained."  There is lots of good advice out there, I should just heed what I already know.

Sometimes you just can't get started...

Maybe I get involved in too many things.  Perhaps it just frustrates me to see things "not done right" (at least as I see them) that sucks me into more things than I really want to be involved in.  What ever the cause, I'm normally up to my eyes with alligators, then it is nearly impossible for me to even get started.  Ouch.

I can do most all that needs to be done, that's not really the problem.  It's figuring out where to start.  On one hand, it could be a simple task (which is the route I'll likely have to take) to just make a list and start working on it.  Note I left out the word prioritize.  Is that smart or just delaying more disaster?  I don't think it is as simple as prioritizing the sequence of things you do in the morning....  going to the bathroom just must come before having breakfast.

My struggles are because I have allowed so many things to accumulate, there are too many number 1 priorities.  What then?  If I revert to the method of just working on the list...  it seems one of the ugly number 1 priorities sticks it's ugly head up and says "hey, what about me?"  You stop what your are doing and begin working on the ugly...  then ugly number 2 pops up and the vicious circle has begun.  Ugh.

So I need some help.  I can work on the list, generally grouped in priorities, but knowing you can not work on all the number 1's at once, some of the ugly's will pop up.  Do I say oh well, wait your turn?  Do I celebrate the small steps of getting them done, one by one and be happy for that?  I can survive the ugly's, as long as they don't get too ugly.  It's the people that are reminding me about the ugly's that stresses me to a point of inaction.  That's where I need the help and suggestions.  How do I deal with the disappoint I have caused and apparently continue to cause?

Help!

Not all things are bad... enter Nicholas

I guess at times, I may tend to rant and rave in this blog space.  Not this time.  Regardless of how bad things may seem at time, there is always good.  Enter Nicholas.  Nicholas James Ballinger, he entered the world on November 28th at  8lbs 6oz and 21 inches long!! What a big boy!

Congratulations to my daughter and son-in-law, proud new parents....  and a proud new big sister too!

Mom and Dad were signing papers for their new house while still in the hospital.  Uncle Ryan already has planned on giving skating lessons (and teaching checking too even though he didn't mention that part).  He's a pretty cute kid... I like the pose... I am thinking I see the resemblance to me...  especially the blonde hair.

No matter what else, this is a good thing.  Welcome my first grandson!