I haven’t had the ability to write in about 3 months. It’s one thing to have to battle cancer, it is quite another to also have to battle the chemo drugs you are being prescribed because they have turned against you.
I've tried writing so many times I've lost count. So tired and without energy or motivation, I just haven't been able to write or do much of anything. This post will be published tonight, I hope.
As if learning cancer came back and spread to my liver wasn't bad enough, the new chemo I was on almost did me in. I'm not sure if that is a factually true statement, but it sure felt like I had been done in. After 3 rounds of chemo, I was hospitalized. I have been feeling horrid since somewhere around February 1st... tired all the time, absolutely no energy, and very frustrated.
I don't know how I will ever catch up with all I wanted to write... a little here and a little there. The weird thing is that my mind doesn't seem to have slowed down at all, only the physical body is in slow motion. The biggest struggle has been the frustration I have with not being able to do anything, the feeling of withering away to nothing, and the feeling of being left out and how others seem to have moved on. I'm just so lucky to have the family support and caregiving I do have and am getting. Nevertheless, it can be a very lonely feeling. Having said all that, I am better today than I was yesterday, last week and the last few months. I will beat this bastard.
It is good, there always is good to find. We sometimes need to dig deep to figure out what the silver linings are ... I hate how the bad stuff comes to the surface so easily. I must first thank each and every supporter. The outpouring of messages, cards, visits, dinners, and general support has been amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
On April 2nd, I underwent liver surgery to have a colon cancer lesion removed from my liver. That surgery went extremely well. On the way to the hospital, I issued a challenge to my nearly 1,000 Facebook friends for everyone to donate to Relay For Life while I was undergoing the surgery. The response was AMAZING! Over $700.00 raised while in surgery for American Cancer Society. At Relay For Life, no donation is too small, each and every dollar counts. Your donations help fund groundbreaking cancer research, patient care programs, and can make a difference in communities like ours. With every donation, you are helping the American Cancer Society save lives. Together, we’ll be a part of making a difference in this important cause. Donate HERE
I have nearly reached my personal goal and our team goal for the year. However, if you look at the numbers, don't let them make you think we've got this yet. The almost $7,000.00 is just a start. We are just beginning to dent the surface. What are the cost? The most recent rounds of chemo (a three-day process) that ends with me getting a shot to help restore white blood cells because the chemo is so brutal on one's system. That one shot is billed at just a shade under $22,000.00 per shot, and I had and was billed for 3 of them. In total, I've been billed over $400,000.00 since my cancer diagnosis. I'm lucky in that my insurance is covering a majority of my care, there are others without coverage. I'm making it by OK, but there are many others in desperate need of our help. People with cancer need your financial help covering the expenses. Please help me help them ... first, join my Relay team, no matter what if you also support eliminating cancer. Then ... if you are in the western Massachusetts area, come walk with me on May 31st in Belchertown at 6:00 pm. I would be honored ... donate if you are so moved, but join the team and share that you did. My goal for 2019 is $10,000.00. We need to come together as humanity and work to eliminate cancer. This shouldn't be about managing cancer, it should be to eradicate it. We can do it all now, online by clicking HERE.
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homemade RSO capsule with
0.31 grams of THC laden oil |
For now, I'll close with saying I hope to get to my other blog, CanCannaCure.com, my blog documenting my use of medical marijuana, AKA Rick Simpson Oil or RSO, to help me kill my cancer. Think what you may, I lived a drug-free lifetime, but when you are told you have stage 4 colon cancer, a death sentence in my mind, you do anything and everything to kill cancer. I have been remiss from writing in that blog as well, there's more catch up to go. Rick Simpson was said to have cured his own cancer using RSO. I'm doing it too, right alongside chemo and any other medical. I've been off chemo for about 2 months, have continued to ingest RSO and my tumor markers have continued to go down (my last CEA test was 2.9 on April 4th). I'll be honest saying I'm pretty anxious over the next couple results. I've been here before with short-lived positive results, but I'm staying positive.
So that's it for this first catch up post, many more to come. Here are some of the highs and lows ... feel free to join me in this fight, let me know you're reading and what more you'd like to know.
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Never, ever, forget how amazing you are and can be!
