TLC Hoarders: I don't think you can understand

Wayne's story

Have you ever had the opportunity to watch TLC's Hoarders: Buried Alive?  It's really a very sad show of real people living in deplorable conditions.  In most cases, of the shows that aired...  deplorable is an understatement.  I found it hard to understand how people could even survive in the conditions shown on some of the shows...  septic backed up into the house...  rotting food everywhere...  even dead animals once in a while in the house.  I never understood, but today, was able to relate when I caught a glimpse of Wayne's story today and he told what was eating at him....  the episode was subtitled: Not Having a Father Who Cares.  A video clip can be seen by clicking http://bit.ly/WaynesStory.

Stepping back for a minute, I have often "joked" that I needed to keep the crew of Hoarders away from my basement and garage...  after all my basement and garage were so full of "junk" you could hardly walk through.  Joking was my way of dealing with the underlying reality, similar to the few minutes of Wayne's story, that he was suffering from feelings of loss.  For the record, my house does not look ANYTHING like Wayne's does in the clip, however, I can completely relate with how he feels.  He can't move (take action), he is frozen.  Although our stories are quite different, I think we both feel a great loss in our lives, I think beyond what most of you can imagine or understand.  A loss that puts us into a state of suspended animation, so to speak.  If you think otherwise, you don't understand.

Wayne DOES NOT need anyone telling him he is messed up.  He knows it.  He is crippled...  he is frozen...  he is at wits end and can not do anything about it.  He needs compassion and help.  He especially doesn't need to be lectured about how bad things are....  he knows it.  He especially does not need a lack of compassion from those who he loves, regardless of whether they love him back or have the ability to understand....  his daughters on the show obviously don't.  He does not need to be chastised....  he needs help.  He has a virtual cancer that is eating away at him.  So do I.

He needs someone with compassion....  some who understands that his situation is no different than someone who has any other illness or situation that has them at a loss of action.  He can NOT do things himself....  he is helpless.  No matter how bad it is, he needs help turning the corner.  He can not just undo...  no matter how much you think he can.  He needs support, time and someone that will help him regardless of the situation to help make things better.  He needs unwavering love.

He does not need his daughter, the one with fake red hair screaming at him, telling him he doesn't have the balls to do what she wants him to do....  who is she....  someone dying her hair red to make her something she is not?  Bitch.  She is clueless.  Where was she when he got hurt?  When this all started?  Chastising him then too?  Living in her pretend world where everything needs to be her way.  Enough of her, she needs help too.

Where are the compassionate people for the Wayne's, and Dan's, of the world to turn to?  Unfortunately, it seems there are more people interested in just telling you why you are messed up rather than really wanting to help.  Tell a person who smokes to just quit?  Can they?  Tell an overweight person it's their fault they eat too much.  Does that help?  Complain about things not getting done, does that get them done?

I hear you Wayne, I hope you got the help you needed.  Godspeed to you Wayne.

- - - 

At the Welfare Office

We all need to smile once in a while...  some of you may get a chuckle out of this, I did, sad but true...

The story goes:
A young man with his pants hanging half off his butt, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well...You started it."

- - -

How about doing something for someone else today...  for no reason other than it really is the right thing to do.  Expect nothing in return.

Lighten up Francis (Stripes)

Over the years, I have tried to share and exercise positive examples with my staff.  One thing I've done, and no pun intended, is to implement "One Thing" sharing.  My entire staff is encouraged to share, One Thing, any day, any time, of one thing that has made a positive difference to them.  As a team, we can share, one, One Thing per day...  I don't want to overwhelm folks with too much, nor take away from they work day too much...  thus, if one staffer sends out a One Thing message to all and you have one too...  you hold on to yours until tomorrow...  unless it is so darn good you just can't hold it in any longer, then send it along for others to enjoy and contemplate.  There are no limits on the subject...  it might be a work thing, it might be about little league...  as long is there is a positive message, thought or insight that could lead us to be better than we are today.

There are so many good examples, but this one, that was shared today, sad as it seemed as I read it, did make me smile.  I hope it does the same for you and we all follow the imortal words from the movie Stripes and "Lighten up Francis".

The Funeral

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life.

As a Bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do,
so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started
for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

# # #

I hope that's One Thing that will bring a smile to your day and lighten your load.  #Yay

Live life as a dog would

At my office, I long ago instituted sharing of "One Thing" that made a positive difference in the life of anyone on my staff.  It didn't have to be about work.  It could be about little league, something that happen in the grocery store or even something they read.  The only requirement was that it had a positive impact on them, which, we hoped, would help them be a better person, a better co-worker, better spouse or parent...  better in some way or any way. If it was good, they were encouraged to share "One Thing" for a better us.

Today, a person on my Help Desk Team shared a message that was sent to him.  I think it is profound.  So profound I encourage each of us to live life as a Dog would.

Hope this gives you as much of a lift today as it did me.

A Dog's Purpose ? 
(from a 6-year-old). 

Repent fand forgive freely

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle. 

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. 

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. 

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. 

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. 
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.'' 

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live. 

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued, 

''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'' 

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like: 

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them, regardless of what happened yesterday. 

Be crazy once in a while

• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. 

• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy. 

• Take naps.

• Stretch before rising. 

• Run, romp, and play daily. 

• Thrive on attention and let people touch you. 

• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 

Be Ha

• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. 

• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 

• When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 

• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
  
• Be loyal. 
  
• Never pretend to be something you're not. 
  
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
  
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. 

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY! 

Figuring Out "What's Really Important"

For quite some time now I have come to a realization I have been blind to many things.  Blind meaning many important things just never got to the conscious part of my mind, or I suppressed them so well I didn't even realize they existed. I'm working hard to correct that personal flaw.  It's likely the underlying cause for much of the suffering I have put others and myself through over the years, honestly, quite unintentionally.

Most recently I have been following the story of a young man named Mitchell Dee Jones on a Facebook page maintained by his parents. Mitchell was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, a catastrophic muscle wasting disease which results in progressive muscle deterioration and is fatal by late teens/early twenties, however, Mitchell passed away a month before his 11th birthday.

I can not fathom the strength his parents have.  My God is certainly looking over them and has sent them to this earth on an incredible mission I am barely getting an understanding and glimpse of.  God, please give me strength just thinking about this.

So what am I figuring out?  I'm figuring out, that although I think I may have done a lot of good in my life, I've also made horrible mistakes that have me in such torment and at a loss for what to do...  I dream of forgiveness, love, compassion and help.  I wish that years ago I had looked at or understood things differently.

Today, I am encouraging you to take a deep look at what is important...  if you can't figure it out, find a great mentor to help you.  Don't wait until your life has passed and you find yourself so deep there is no turning back...  no way to recover...  no one to help.

I hope this is not taken wrong, it is not meant selfishly...  I don't have the strength, faith or understanding to be like Mitchell's parents, but in many ways, I feel the same as they do.  I have lost my family, I have lost respect, I have lost the wonderful things I was given and let them slip away.

Cherish all those you have in your life....  it is too short not to.

Memories

A Facebook friend recently made a post which I plagiarized and posted for myself saying:

"Happy New Year my Facebook family... MEMORIES... leave a comment below about a memory we have shared together whether it was recent or long ago... I'd like to build a personal memory blog, help me fill it. Feel free to repost. Looking forward to reading and making more memories in the future"

I've been thinking about different folks and the things they may post which has certainly made me smile often...  wish I was better in many ways quite often...  and also thankful for the things I have learned along the way and been able to pass along.  I wish that post live on forever so people might run across it and add something special they remembered (you need a Facebook account, but you can find it here: http://bit.ly/RememberDan).  I so much reliving those times.

In this blog, I say that says "I'm just a guy trying to do good and to make a positive difference in someone's life...  hopefully at least my children's".  There is nothing that makes me feel better than when I see signs of that success.  In one of Jim Rohn's stories of improving and getting better over the years, he tells how one of his mentors told him, yes, it can happen to you.  When you walk into a room, people will point and whisper, look, there he is, it's him!  There have been a flicker of moments like that with me occasionally, but when I read Emery Gallant's post, I was floored.  I never knew how one small action had such an affect on him.

Emery wrote to me that he: "Was having a REAL bad day at work, and you popped out of nowhere and gave me a "You Rock!" coin...changed my day around instantly and I still keep that close!".  

It can not get much better than that.  I have always tried to treat not only my staff, but those that provide me services, a sense of appreciation.  Not for doing their job, but for doing their job in a way that make the customer or me feel good about what they've done.  Their attitude, their care, their professionalism. They create an experience that makes me want to come back to them...  I enjoy it.

It is stories like this that I try to do what I do...  Emery rocked my world with his post like never before.  I finally got a feeling of why giving more than you take is so important...  why taking care of the need of others is how your needs get taken care of...  Happy New Year to me and it is only day 1.

Thanks Emery.

Its Think... Thank... Thunk... Thursday

Found a post today...  I think there is pretty strong food for though contained, so I'm keeping to reread and contemplate necessary action changes.  Adopted here for the context of this blog.  What part of the message do you think resinates the most?

Think...
Take a moment to think about who you are. Not just who you are right now but who you want to be, and if your taking the steps you need to take to be that person. Every word that comes out of our mouths, every look we give, every social media post we make, every action we take every single day is a direct reflection of our character our integrity and a picture of who we are. What does your picture look like? What can you change to not only fix the picture but to help you as the painter grow, change and become?

Thank...
If in fact you are healthy, your family is healthy and everyone is safe, has shelter, food and water be thankful. If you have health issues or someone in your family or your life does or your missing one of the other things be thankful for that too. WHAT? Why on earth would you be thankful for those things? Trials make you a better person, they train you to become your very best. Embrace with strength the trials that come your way, be thankful for change and struggle.

Thunk...
Impact can be so small you wont even notice or so large you cant help but not take notice. What kind of impact are you making with your life and to those around you? You have the power to change lives in so many ways. Financial, empowerment, social, community, kindness, I could go on for days. The question is what impact are you making? Be conscious of your impacts, most of all don't let your tools go to waste. Use those you are blessed with to facilitate and change lives, and create memorable movements, it's possible!