I am so frustrated today I can't stand it... and it's getting worse. Like a runaway train, I can't find the drive, the method nor do I feel I have the ability to slow the train down, let alone the ability to stop it.
I have made mistakes in that I have let some seemingly small things go in favor of what were seen by me as "bigger picture" things... and now all the small things have come together as a massive energy and emotional drain sucking the life out of me. A person in an important place (rather than an important person) has taken a stance that has attacked my integrity and character... is not there to help, but to protect them-self, and is causing an ungodly amount of stress.
I think I might have even mentally justified to myself today why I should have been able to trade places with my friend Mike... he was such a good guy, caring, loving family (one that he loved and loved him back), and he lost his battle with cancer. I feel like I am living a life full of a different kind of cancer. Indifference... intollerence... finger pointing... unforgiveness... me, me, me. I am surrounded by the attitude of "I'll tell you what's wrong, do it my way or else" people. If it isn't perfect, you're wrong so don't look to me for help, but I'll certainly give you my opinion and feelings about how screwed up you are. I am having trouble climbing out of this hole and it continues to get deeper.
I need someones hand, not those willing to dig the hole deeper. I need help climbing out, not someone to keep pointing out how I screwed up. I need a real friend and have none... none that really seem to care. It's all artificial and no one really seems to care, or be interested in helping one get back up. I can't be like Nike all the time.
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