I really want to quit, to stop, to not feel the churning inside

There have been many tines in my life I thought I had hit rock bottom.  I hurt.  I failed.  I felt like giving up.  I kept going, some how, some way.  Those times are too many to count, to painful to remember.  Today I feel worst.  I hurt more. I failed more, and more, and even more.  I make no one happy, especially me.  I really want it to stop, I don't know how.  No one cares.  They may say they do, but only if it is on their terms, their way, I don't really matter.  I've never felt so hurt, so alone.

I can't fake it anymore.  I love my family, I don't feel love back.  I love my grand kids and failed with them, I'm but a stranger.  I open my mouth, it's wrong of me, that's what I hear.  I ways are wrong, it doesn't matter to them, it's not what they want, I'm wrong, again and again.  My stomach churns.

I want it to end, I want it to go away.