Two days before my chemotherapy treatments begin. Staying positive on the outside and wanting to live positively, but scared as heck as we move forward. I am so encouraged by the hundreds of people that have taken this path before me, it does ease my mind a bit, but does not take the fear away.
Hearing the protocol for mixing the "chemo cocktail" I will receive is surely a bit disconcerting, after all, it is poison, its what I need to destroy the cancerous microorganisms that may still be within me. I'm still fearful even if I don’t show it. I know I must be strong, I must be positive, I do need to be a good example for those that follow my footsteps. Nevertheless, my earthly being moves forward afraid. As unrelated as it is, I clearly recall being there when I sadly had a very ill family pet put down, one big vial of poisonous meds, injected creating an instant final sleep. That's all I keep thinking of. The fear of this horrendous cancer being a death sentence will not leave my head. How stupid can I really be to let fear control me? Then I dig deep and remember I #HaveBelief. Many others have pioneered the way for me. I thank them; I thank the scientist, doctors, and researchers that have spent their lives figuring this all out and I do #HaveFaith in their findings and abilities.
None of that changes the fact I still have fears as I move forward with treatment in two days. Thanks to all that have supported me and stood by me in so many ways. I so much appreciate you.
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