I Wish I Felt Better

Only 25% of the way through my scheduled chemotherapy plan, yet I feel no better.  In fact, I often feel physically much the same as I did before hospitalization, surgery, and diagnosis.  I feel the same stomach like rumbling or upset feeling.  Mentally I feel worse. I’m just as tired as I was before. I’m probably more scared now knowing my self diagnosis was so out in left field and I was full of cancer instead.  I feel cancer is still there, still eating away at me.

My support structure is doing all the right things.  There are things I wish for that are not happening, but, those around me are doing more than I would have ever dreamed.  I feel busy and doing what I can, but don’t feel good about it.  I don’t have an inner feeling of love, peace, and recovery.  

I pray for strength and the feeling that I really am positive and #HaveBelief and #HaveFaith, and that those around me do as well.  I may be surrounded by family, friends, and supporters, but I feel alone and empty.

I’m not where I should be mentally.  God help me.  

Happy Mother’s Day mom, wish I could get there to hug you and hold you.  I miss you so much.

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