Its Think... Thank... Thunk... Thursday

Found a post today...  I think there is pretty strong food for though contained, so I'm keeping to reread and contemplate necessary action changes.  Adopted here for the context of this blog.  What part of the message do you think resinates the most?

Think...
Take a moment to think about who you are. Not just who you are right now but who you want to be, and if your taking the steps you need to take to be that person. Every word that comes out of our mouths, every look we give, every social media post we make, every action we take every single day is a direct reflection of our character our integrity and a picture of who we are. What does your picture look like? What can you change to not only fix the picture but to help you as the painter grow, change and become?

Thank...
If in fact you are healthy, your family is healthy and everyone is safe, has shelter, food and water be thankful. If you have health issues or someone in your family or your life does or your missing one of the other things be thankful for that too. WHAT? Why on earth would you be thankful for those things? Trials make you a better person, they train you to become your very best. Embrace with strength the trials that come your way, be thankful for change and struggle.

Thunk...
Impact can be so small you wont even notice or so large you cant help but not take notice. What kind of impact are you making with your life and to those around you? You have the power to change lives in so many ways. Financial, empowerment, social, community, kindness, I could go on for days. The question is what impact are you making? Be conscious of your impacts, most of all don't let your tools go to waste. Use those you are blessed with to facilitate and change lives, and create memorable movements, it's possible!

How do you get a middle initial of J if your middle name is Andrew?

It's really not Marty McFly I'm talking about today, it's Michael J Fox.  Michael was born born Michael Andrew Fox; June 9, 1961, in Canada, where he began his acting career as a teenager.  He was discovered by producer Ronald Shedlo and made his American television debut in the television film Letters from Frank, credited under the name "Michael Fox".   As the story goes, he intended to continue to use the name, but when he registered with the Screen Actors Guild, which requires unique registration names to avoid credit ambiguities, he discovered that Michael Fox, a veteran character actor, was already registered under the name.  As he explained in his autobiography, Lucky Man: A Memoir, and in interviews, he needed to come up with a different name. He did not like the sound of "Andrew" or "Andy" Fox, so he decided to adopt a new middle initial and settled on "J", and thus, he's Michael J. Fox, as we now know him.

That's as far as I intended to go with this version of "As the story goes...", but during my research, I found out a lot more about the actor I knew growing up... I loved him best as Marty McFly.  Michael was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 1991, but hid it until 1999 when the symptoms could no longer be hidden by drugs or acting.  Michael testified before the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee in 1999 seeking a mere 75 million dollars to be to be used for Parkinson's research in an attempt to find a cure.  Here's a link to his testimony:

 http://www.c-spanvideo.org/clip/4271310

I look forward to writing someday, and "As the story goes, that's where it began and how we found a cure for Parkinson's.

As the story goes... Dare to Dream

First, I'd like to say I miss listening to Paul Harvey on the radio.  I especially miss listening to "the rest of the story" when he would tell a story that might be a story of awe and wonder; a story of heroism or something else that would just grasp your attention.  Recently I seem to be running across stories that took me back to the days of Paul Harvey, therefore, I found the urge to tell some of them here because they struck something in me wanting to share good things.

Hattie May Wiatt

The Reverend Russell H. Conwell, pastor of Grace Baptist Church in Philadelphia delivered a sermon on December 1, 1912 that told of a little girl named Hattie May Wiatt.  She lived near a church where she wanted to attend Sunday School, but it was very crowded and often couldn't get in.  Rumors have it that around 1883, the Reverend walked Hattie into the Sunday school because she was unable to get inside, telling her one day they would have buildings big enough to allow every one to attend who wanted to.  Soon after, Hattie fell victim of diphtheria at just age 5 and died.  A small purse was found under her pillow containing 57 cents she had saved.   At her funeral, her mother gave the money to Conwell, which he took to the church and became the focus of his sermon.

Rev. Conwell had the 57 cents turned into 57 pennies, told the congregation the story of little Hattie May and sold the pennies for a return of about $250.  In addition, 54 of the original 57 pennies were returned to Rev. Conwell and he later put them up on display.  This was in 1886 when 57 cents was no small savings account for a little girl from a poor family.  Some of the members of the church formed what they called the Wiatt Mite Society which was dedicated to making Hattie May's 57 cents grow as much as possible and to buy the property for the Primary Department of the Sunday school.  

On June 28, 1886, A nearby house at the corner of Broad and Berks streets, referred to as The Temple because the property owner did not want the house to be called a church until the mortgage was fully paid, was investigated for purchase by the Wiatt Mite Society, which was organized for the purpose of taking the 57 cents and enlarging on them sufficiently to buy the property for the Primary Department of the Sunday school. In that same house, the first classes of Temple College, later Temple University, were held. The house was later sold to allow Temple College to move and The Temple (now the Temple Performing Arts Center to grow, and still more of that money went towards founding the Samaritan Hospital (now the Temple University Hospital).

As the story goes, if you dare to dream, great things can happen.

- - - - -

Note that this story is the result of research and reading of many accounts and descriptions of what happened in those times...  I just collected and replayed the facts as I found them to be, so you'd understand it, as the story goes....

The Glass "IS" Half Full

There is an age old debate of whether the glass is half full or half empty.  Optimist often think half full...  pessimist usually think it's half empty.  When you have a great day, like I'm having today, you just know it is half full.

I could argue that I have felt like life has been dealing me many glasses half empty, but, when you work hard and know you have made an impact...  even if it's "bottoms up" in celebration, stay focused on half full.

As thrilled as I am, all I can do it beat around the bush...  I just have to keep the real story inside, to myself.  I can't share the details because I need to protect the identities of those involved...  but, their lives, when faced with what seemingly was devastation, has been forever changed, in a positive way.  Think  positive.

OK, if you've made it this far, you are amazing too since I have led you down a path to nowhere, saying very little, but you're still around.  Here's the positive gist of what this is all about.  Sometimes, life just kicks you in the pants.  Throws you for a loop and you think there is no way to go...  no answers in sight...  nothing but doom and gloom.  You're okay to feel that way, but understand this, there is always a way out...  answers are available, just ask for them (by prayer or just asking for the answers to come) and there is so much more than doom and gloom.

For the third time this year, today, I saw someone thinking their glass was not only half empty, but they thought it went dry, do a complete reversal.  Talk about the tide changing in a hurry and being on an emotional roller coaster, their cup over flowed!  I'm so jazzed for them, life is good.

Never give up hope... look adversity in the face...  and your glass can be seen, always half full.

Accused and Abused... but Forging Ahead

I must first apologize if this post is gauge in any way, I expect it to be in many ways.  Last week ended a week that was.  Accused and abused on many fronts.  Doors slammed in my face and the recipient of many opinions passed along from people I don't, and won't, follow.  Yet, I will forge ahead.

Maybe I am just coming to the realization that the world seems to be in trouble.  The world is so full of people who feel entitled; people who's way of thinking feels so far out in left field, it is no wonder anymore why the world is headed in the direction it is going in.  Heaven help us.

Let's get positive and find a better way and move in the right direction.

As the graphic I've included indicates, a good leader is just someone that has a vision, finds the correct resources and points the way.  The staff is where all the heavy lifting comes from.  They do the work, they make it happen.  They are critical.  However, when they lack the ability to see the vision; are resistant to change and can't get on board and move in the right direction...  work stops.  No where in "Made to Stick" or "Switch", both by Chip and Dan Heath do they talk about great companies or companies that were able to make the switch doing so with people that were no on board or capable of being on board.

Time to start looking at who's on the bench and get the right people on the bus.  When those on the team stop playing or create too much hate and discontent, it's time to look for replacements.  When the team as a whole starts to go south, it's time to look for a new team.

We Really Do Have All We Need

Some of us feel we are in a fast paced world today....  faster than it was when we were younger.  Today's generation doesn't know any different, they probably think we've always had smartphones, Facebook and YouTube...  they were born with technology and need it now breed into them.  I'm wondering if we have gotten so fast paced and materialistic, we have forgotten about all we already have.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Beamer, it's the best car I have ever owned, at least in the best ride category...  okay, it is close to the most powerful too .... but I bought it used (that's my excuse anyway to justify this story).  I drive a ton of miles and wanted comfort.  I want the best in the things I buy, not low quality.  I'm telling you this because I am just as bad as the next in wanting it all.  I want my kids to have the best of the best.  To have more than I had.  To have better opportunities than I had.  To be more successful than I was ... or think I am.  Did I miss the target?  Did I focus on the wrong things?  Today, I'm wondering.

Is it all really needed?  Maybe many of us were brainwashed into thinking we needed it all,  I was.  Maybe our desires are misguided.  Life is more than "stuff"... sometimes we learn too late.  Life should be so much more.  Life should be happy without the stuff.  I'm hoping those younger than I will give it some thought.

The video that follows puts the focus on the important stuff we already have, and likely take for granted.  Things we should all be more thankful for.  I suggest after watching, we all might be a touch more thankful .... then consider what's really important and share some of our stuff with others.

... and if I haven't said it enough .... thanks for who you are, you are a special person and you are loved

Are our kids paying the price for our mistakes?

Is the difference between the "have's" and the "have nots" partially a result of our mistakes?  Quite honestly, I really don't care about the "have's", but I am quite concerned about our kids who end up limited because of our short coming.  At least in my case, my short comings.

We all make mistakes, misjudgments, errors in our ways....  call it what you may.  If you haven't made any, I made them for you.  What is important is that most of us don't make mistakes on purpose.  Nevertheless, we make them.  What is really bothering me, is that my kids, as they step into adulthood, have been forced into difficult situations, because of me.

Life is not fair, I get that.  I'd just like to see some situations changed so our youngsters don't start out in the hole.  Why should financial aid for students, or college loans, including FAFSA, be based on the income of the parents?  I just don't get why the kids are penalized because the choices I made as a parent, that may not have worked out as planned, thus, the kids pay the price for college because they are not eligible...  and they pay right through the nose.

Kudos to those parents whose plans worked out as they hoped and have been able to help their kids move into adulthood.  A lesson I learned, too late, is that this is all a game, my kids ended up on the losing team without choice, now they have no choice, dig deep and pay up, yourself, dad screwed up.

Sorry, just feeling a little frustrated.

After thought....
I posted the previous words earlier (or later last night).  Kirk Weisler looks into my soul like only he and one other person can...  and write on his T4D blog just for me...  not really, but it seems like it.  He is such a positive inspiration to me.  Thanks Kirk for your post today that inspires me to move on...

http://kirkweisler.com/t4d/2013/08/21/let-it-go-stop-sinking-like-a-stone/

I encourage to sign up for Kirk's blog post...  mind too if you want both sides of the story...

Change your Thoughts, Change your World

My dad passed away 5 years ago today.  My mental world was rocked.  I've laughed, I've cried, had many successes, many mental failings I try to hide.  I grown to a point where I know I don't hide very well.  I've been in limbo...  I've felt frozen...  knowing what to do, unable to act.  Without action, vision and moving forward is just like failing.  I at the starting line again.

Change that action.  If you can't act, and know it, then you have to force a change...  Change your thoughts.  If you think differently, perhaps you can act differently.  My mental twelve step program, one step at a time.

Today I faced a major hurdle that has been in my face for more than 3 years.  There is a long way to go, but by changing your thoughts, maybe our world can change.

What do you do when you face a challenge that you just can't move on?

Viber... FREE calls and FREE texting

I was introduced to Viber a few weeks ago.  WOW.  An application that not only appears to do what they say it will do, but does it better than the devices designed for calls and texting.

I downloaded, told it what my phone number was, confirmed the phone number by responding to an SMS text message and that was it.  It worked, with my existing contact list too.  It is only for Viber user to Viber user, you bill, significantly.
can't call a non-Viber user.  That shouldn't be a problem over time, tell everyone and we'll all be saving money.  Minimum plans from our wireless provider.  I'm looking forward to reducing my Verizon bill.

Viber will use cellular, WiFi or wired in the case of your computer....  Viber is available for your Windows or Mac computer.  Here are the first 3 items in the Viber FAQ list:

• Why do I need Viber?
  When you use Viber, your phone calls and text messages to any other Viber users are free! The sound quality is also much better than a regular call.
• Will Viber help reduce my phone bill?
  Once you and your friends install Viber, you can use it to talk and message as much as you want. Talk, message, and talk and message some more and it's all free*!
  * When you use Viber on a 3G network you might incur operator data charges or internet access fees.
• Does it cost anything to use Viber?
  Viber and all Viber features are absolutely free and do not require any additional "in application" purchase.
  * When you use Viber on a 3G network you might incur operator data charges or internet access fees.
  
  
  Using Viber is believing.  My car has Bluetooth built in and my phone connects to my iPhone when I'm in the car.  I always thought it worked OK.  With Viber, it is AMAZING, crystal clear. incredibly better than just using the phone.
  
  
  Go to Viber.com from your computer or find Viber in the iOS Apps Store, Android Market Place or where ever you find your apps.  Try it, you'll love it, your friends will love it, your wallet will love it.
  
  
  
  

"Normalization of Risk", How sobering

I received an email on Friday concerning the death of a rescue worker who was killed more than a year ago.  I didn't work with him, didn't know him, in fact, he didn't even work for the same agency I did.  The short story of the man he was and the job his did along with the details of how he died, was not just a reminder of how short life really is, it was a prelude to the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey might have said.

I paraphrase the story here, removing the personal and logistical details....

A rescue fell to his death during the rescue of critically injured climbers.  This public servant, a 33-year-old former U.S. Marine sergeant, was in his fourth season doing this type of work with the agency. He was following his passion for the outdoors, having worked in various jobs that developed his expertise as a ski patroller, medical technician, and mountaineering and river ranger. Those who knew him describe him as a quiet, competent leader with a strong, commanding presence.

The investigation following the accident determined he died because he was not anchored with fall protection during the rescue. He lost his balance and fell from a helicopter doing what he had done many times before. Yet, the reason he died is far more complex. He was not wearing fall protection likely because of a common human tendency known as “normalization of risk” which is to become desensitized to the risk around us and subconsciously accept high levels of risk as being normal after continuously repeating the behavior without negative consequences.

Think about that for a minute.  Doing things we have done over and over before, ignoring how to do them safely because I haven't gotten hurt before.  Does this bring things like texting while driving to mind?  Running down stairways with holding the handrail?  How about smoking?  You get the idea.  

While this is not about texting while driving or other types of distracted driving, let's use it an an example.  There are laws prohibiting texting while driving and studies that report the causalities and serious injuries, yet people do it anyway.  We found the same failure in life today from people accepting unnecessary risk.  The message went on to say the lesson for us all is to make it a practice to carefully reevaluate the risks we accept as normal—or even mundane—and to build in a margin for error, create and follow our written procedures, and provide and use our training. Listen to the experts, give them credit for what they do.  we all need to be watchful of the tendency of families, friends and co-workers to “normalize” risks and must intervene to prevent this from occurring in life today. We also have to look out for one another and to get beyond the apprehension of correcting our peers when we see them engaging or preparing to engage in behaviors that may get them or others hurt.

Let's go out and live a better, safer life...  not be wrapped up within ourselves...  smell the roses.  Life is short enough without cutting it shorter because we take unnecessary risk.

As Nike might suggest... Just Do It

This picture was posted today by a Facebook friend who is celebrating a birthday today.  So to begin with, happy birthday Nanci.  I'm so happy you woke up this morning and immediately felt the love of your cyber friends.  Not that any of us want to grow older, but what a grand feeling it is to wake up on a birthday morning and feel that way, it should happen every day.

I love the words on the picture she posted.  There are times, many times, when my life feels like I am in a cement mixer or washing machine on steroids...  everything is crazy.  How do you take pause?  Almost as if you know things are going to change, but what lies around the corner may have nothing to do with the present moment...  you just know something is coming. The drum just keeps turning and we never stop.

Sometimes it happiness, sometime its turmoil, sometimes what you might expect, yet other times chaos.  Demands at work, at home, in meeting the obligations...  it's just never ending.  Nice when it is on the lower end of the stress spectrum, but the drum keeps turning, never stopping.  A constant churn.  We don't take enough time to pause and soak all the goodness in, and there is goodness, despite the negatives you think are there.

This picture reminds me, we must find a way to step back and take a break.  Our sanity, our health, our ability to be a something special in the life of someone else depends on it.  I thought I had figured out how to take pause, it isn't working, my drum keeps turning.  My health, physical and mental well being are being eaten away because I have not found a way to take pause.

This post is about you, not me.  I don't want you to fall into the same traps, feel the same pain or to continue on without taking pause now and then as I have done.  I want you to have a better opportunity.  Step back and find your method.  Smell the roses, forget the drama, the demands....  be happy for today and those around you, those that do love you.  That's really all that matters.

Someone out there loves you and needs you.  Be there for them.   (((hugs)))

Actions that speak for themselves...

Sometimes it doesn't take words to describe some people...

Just watch them... their actions speak volumes

Don't mimic them... they're useless

Don't ask them... they think they are important

A mirror wouldn't show...  they are clueless

They're good for one thing

Walking to Eradicate Breast Cancer

Earlier today, my daughters passed the 5 mile mark in their Avon walk to eliminate breast cancer in Washington DC. I've since heard they have passed the 12 mile point... This is a huge fundraiser in the effort to eradicate breast cancer.

They are both short in their fund raising efforts, but tall in their efforts to complete the walk and reach their required goal to be in this walk. I am encouraging each of you to reach as deep as might be comfortable for you and make a donation to help them out in their efforts. Your donation will go directly into the Avon fund and you will receive a receipt for tax donation purposes. The minimum donation the page is set up to receive is $5.00, and every bit helps.

Thank you!

Tina's (pictured on the left) Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Web page is at:
http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDC?px=6441427&pg=personal&fr_id=2190

Rebecca's 

Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Web page is at:

http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/WashingtonDC?px=5333776&pg=personal&fr_id=2190

Your help is greatly appreciated.  PLEASE share the link that brought you here.

Take back America, we are #BostonStrong

As I see the years pass, I am often disheartened with the things I have witnessed and the direction I see things going in. I have allowed myself to be changed in a way I don't like because of it and it is time to stop. The following paraphrases parts of others writings, as a call to action by all Americans.  In times like these, I want to encourage the spread of love rather than hate and revenge, however, make no mistake about it, that does not mean I can or will accept that which is harming and dismantling this society or country from that which our forefathers built, and we must now reestablish and maintain.

Unacceptable events in our American society in recent months and years were not caused by religion; other countries did not do it; guns were not the cause of people, including children dying; an ethnicity did not do this – marginalized, sick individuals did this.  That's who needs to be dealt with. We don't needs to change our gun control laws, we just need to enforce our laws. None of us can even fathom the pain that parents, families and friends of those who's lives have been lost or maned because they just happened to be in the path of a monster criminal at the wrong time... monster criminals don't follow the laws or play by societies rules! It does not help to change the rules good, honest, level headed people already follow.  Find the core problems and fix them.

Instead of seeking revenge and perpetuating hate, let’s find ways to personally extend our hands to those around us who may be in pain, who may feel alone, who may feel disconnected from the rest of us and do what we can to welcome them into our communities.  That said, we should not be ignorant to those potential monster criminals that will use our own rules to hide behind.  Know that if you cross the line or even push to the boundaries of the line, societies hand will not be there to help you because it is also educated enough to crush you if necessary.  Tolerance is a two way street.  If you expect me to be tolerant of your beliefs, remember first, you must be tolerant of mine.  Most recently, kudos to the emergency responders and persons working the Boston Marathon case as a show of strength, capability and force when someone crosses the line.  Thank you for shutting down the city, mass transit and telling people to stay home while you identified, tracked down and captured one 19 year wayward young man that has forever negatively changed so many people.  That said, banning the sale of pressure cookers is not and will not be the solution to the problem, nor will it help in the healing for all the innocent victims of April 15, 2013.  As our forefathers before us, we must work to resolve the problems in our society today, and not the symptoms brought forth because of cancers within it.

God bless everyone affected by recent events that have come to our American streets, including any of the very misguided individuals that may be responsible. However, make no mistake about it, this is the United States of America, founded on a core set of rights, freedoms and laws... follow them.  We are not a third world country...  we are Americans.  We do not accept a way of life that allows violence in our streets.  Justice will and can be served without, preferably without any more loss of life.

Awesome show of capability #BostonStrong.

The Power of Love...

Yesterday was a special day...  not really very exciting, more or less a quiet day, but 3 things happened within the span of an hour that made the whole day worth it.  It all started shortly after noon, I received a text message, out of the blue from a dear friend, I rarely get to see.  It was short and simple:

"Happy Friday Dan! You're such a dear friend!  I love you! Stay true to your divine heritage... You come from the best"

So short, so powerful, and just what I needed today. A dear friend... a friend that is there for me, despite my shortcoming.  I know that and it makes this friend so special to me.

I love you!  Nearly brings tears to me eyes.  I know it is an unconditional love, not judgmental.  I was in such need to hear and feel that love.

A reminder to turn back to God and back to my roots.  Duly noted Becca.  I also note you keying in on that and I'm beginning to remember I need to rearrange my priorities.

Ten minutes later, I get an email from another friend in response to a request I made to use some of his published materials (he's an author, mentor, key note speaker who has worked around the world)...  he said:

"use anything, any time in any way ….I LOVE YOU!!"

Again...  I LOVE YOU!!!  This is a very special friend to me... I wish I could work with him more, his life seems to be the life I have always strived to have.  An amazing family, loving wife, I believe a personal relationship with God, well respected, well educated and living what I'd call...  the good life.  Don't get me wrong, I have tons of amazing great things in my life...  but I strive to be better, and to mean to someone else, what Kirk means to me...  and I love you too man.

Lastly, although a typo...  Someone else said "I love you... ", meaning to say, "I love your... ", but I'm taking it and running with it as a third.

The power of love...  Celine sang it best...

I hope love strikes your inner being today and every day....

Sit the Goons... we need skilled, disciplined players

Boston Bruins leading scorer Brad Marchand was injured in Wednesday night's game against the New Jersey Devils. He was elbowed by Devils defenseman Anton Volchenkov for which Volchenkov was immediately given a five-minute major for elbowing and a game misconduct (ejection). Marchand was unable to leave the ice under his own power and could not return to the game. 

I don't believe the Bruins have provide any definitive information yet other than he has sustained a concussion and more details would be forth coming. Unnamed sources say he is out indefinitely.

The NHL Department of Player Safety announced this afternoon that Volchenkov had been suspended four games for the elbow. He was also fined $91,891.88, which is the maximum allotment allowed under the collective bargaining agreement.

Do you think that is enough? I don't, here's why, and I'd like your support.

It's not that he injured another player... it is that he injured another player with an illegal hit... one could say, with intent to injure. In this case, an intentional hit to the head. He received a major penalty (5 minutes) and a game misconduct plus the additional sanctions the league felt were appropriate. Marchand was also out the rest of the game... will likely be out at least 4 games Volchenkov is... and then some... maybe the rest of the season and playoffs. Seems that the Bruins will come out on the short end of the stick in the long run on this one.

My suggestion: I a player causes an injury with an illegal hit... that player gets the automatic game time penalties, as he got... however, the additional league sanctions should include suspension from all play, including practice, until the injured player returns to action... then, the additional sanctions begin. So, if Marchand would be out for the rest of the year, so is Volchenkov. If Marchand plays the first game next season, then Volchenkov starts his 4 game suspension. Sort of akin to public hangings... players might think twice about the hits being made out there. Oh, and if Marchand never returns to play because of the injury, Volchenkov is gone too... for good. We don't need goons playing the game, we need skilled player that can play with discipline.

Voice your support... Tweet your support using #sitthegoons

http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?catid=-6&id=237774&cmpid=rss-whatsnew

My Hero

I've often written about my dad, a decorated WWII B-17 bomber pilot.  He was in a sense my mentor, but mostly my hero.

A friend just posted on Facebook: My Dad, retired Deputy Chief of the El Paso Fire Department....my hero!!!

How sweet is that to be able to live up to your child's dreams and be their "hero".  It's now on my bucket list.

I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking it has been way too long since I have written, a thing I really like to do.  Why?  It's because I've been using every excuse that my mind was able to justify as a reason not to.  In fact, they were just all excuses....  I have felt stuck, paralyzed, listless, overwhelmed and the list goes on.  I have warned others: do what I say, not what I'm doing.  I needed help, I knew it, I know it....  the list of excuse kept finding its way into my head.  God help me.

God?  I abandoned God years ago.  Not on purpose, I just stopped.  I think now, that is when it all started going down hill.  I have been a run away train.  All I thought I knew was how to do work, I thought that was what was necessary to give my family all the things they wanted and that I was able to.  Oh what a horrible choice I made and it has cost me...  and as it stands today, it has cost me almost everything.

In some ways, recent years...  I don't know how many, but many nevertheless, I have been like the tide,  in one minute, out the next.  Many good times, many sad, lost times.  I guess I might look okay on the outside, but I've been lost and sad on the inside.  I abandoned God unintentionally and am paying the price.  I unknowingly abandoned my family, I'm not who I want to be or who I use to be.  I know it's time to change, I know I have huge obstacles to overcome, deep valleys to climb out of.  The excuses resurface...  I know what I have to do, but I can't move.  I have to move....  and I finally have taken a few baby steps.  I'm not sure what gave me the energy, ambition, inspiration or what...  but I finally got up.  The time is NOW.

It was Sunday, February 3rd, the day before Scentsy Family Spring Sprint in Portland, ME.  Something came over me, I didn't know what, but something felt different.  I had to leave my house at 4:30am, but I can't sleep, I'm not tired, my mind was racing but I can't tell you about any one thing, it was everything. The family I have lost, the work I use to love and now despise, Scentsy and my lack of being where I want to be, money, bills, how my house was becoming a disaster area....  but I didn't feel bad....  something was coming over me.  I went up to bed at 1:15am, I knew I should try to take a nap before leaving.  I did leave at 4:30am as planned and actually woke up before the alarm went off.  Less that 3 hours sleep.  Why?  It was time to change.

We arrived in Portland right on schedule, much earlier than we needed to be there, but I planned it that way in case something went wrong.  It was awesome, I felt good, but I also was confused, I don't know why I feel different.  Then came the hugs, hugs and more hugs.  I felt needed, wanted and loved (in a friendly way, not a romantic way).  It felt good...  it felt like life use to feel.  There's Buffy, then Erica my power buddy I met at convention, Dawn, Cathy, Michelle, Dawn, and especially Niki, I'll come back to Niki, and others, they kept coming up to me...  and people I didn't know, but they knew me, they came to me with hugs and happiness...  I felt like a rockstar...  someone people wanted to be with...  a feeling I have not had in many years....  and it felt good to feel that way again. People I apparently helped online with their questions....  they looked for and me and found me.  It was cool.

Then while waiting for our pre-event meeting, I saw Becca (Levie) come into the room.  Now there's a rockstar...  we are all like groupies around her.  People point and whisper "there she is", so excited to be in her presence.  I'm no different, but, what goes on in my head is different.  I feel like I have a connection on some level with Becca, and I have no idea what that really means.  Like an ESP thing (she'd laugh if she knew that), but it feels different.  I have heard her story, listened to her talks...  she is an amazing person that has gone through more than most of us can imagine and done what I need to do...  I look to her in awe.  She is in my life because she has traveled a path before me, now I know I can too, even if I don't know how to do that yet.  I watched as people crowded to be near her and to have an opportunity to talk.  I smiled inside, how special is that.

When we finally made eye contact, smiled and waved across the crowd, it was calming.  I struggle to write because I don't what this to sound like something it is not.  When I saw her step in my direction I knew it was to come see me and get one of those 12 hugs a day everyone needs.  That was special there were only a few words spoken and she went back to responding to her flock.  I felt that same strange feeling again, something was different, but I don't know what.

After the team meeting, when many had left, I met Becca again. I think she asked "how are you" but it felt like, "how are YOU", meaning now just general chit chat.  I knew my life was a mess...  I did not know what to say.  I can not complain and talk about woe is me...  that's wrong, but that is what my life felt like, so I could hardly talk.  She shared quietly at me without saying a word and let the love of God start pouring into me in silence.  She probably does not even know it happened.  I was still unsure of what was happening to my inner being...  I still didn't know what direction to go...  but I knew I was no longer alone.  Not only had I reconnected with my friend, I also knew God was there somewhere, he never abandoned me.  I didn't see Becca again all day.

I had several offers for dinner that night.  My two riders told me they had found other rides back to Massachusetts because they knew I wanted to stay.  I turned down every offer for dinner, they weren't meant to be, not that night.  All the good byes had been said, everyone I knew left, I decided to make one more walk around looking for others to say good-bye to, but all those I knew had left....  I was ready to leave for home when I received a text message that simply said "Dan I am in the bar".  Who was this from....  Becca Levie....  holy cow, what an adrenaline rush I got!  I responded "I'll be right in".  She said "Awesome".  OK, where's the bar????

Becca, her husbad Terry, daughter Kallie and another Director, Edie Cote, and me, how strange was that?  Edie and Becca did most of the talking, I listened a lot, I didn't know why I was there or why I was the only one Becca said she sent a text message to asking me to join them.  Then Jill McCarthy and Jen Audette.  I was there with the real super stars of Scentsy...  why me?  They started talking about going out to dinner and discovered I was going too....  it just kept getting better....  and I still don't know why me.  We went to Bull Feeney's in the old port area of Portland...  how quaint and how much fun.
There was nothing more too it...  just great company.

So why was I there?  Napoleon Hill spoke of a master mind team in his book Think and Grow Rich.  The concept is that one person can not do it all or know it all.  Thus, surround yourself with the best of the best.  I believe I was brought there to meet my mastermind team with Becca as my lead mentor in both business and God.  She is an amazing teacher of both, God first.

So, the time has come, it is time for a change, and it all began, right then and there.  I know I have to start with me.  The next morning, I got the scales out and found myself at the heaviest ever in my life...  tipping the scales to the tune of 233 pounds.  I have no plans for my weight to ever be an ounce more than that, ever.  I dusted off my "Lose it" app on the iPhone, upgraded and set my first goal to get to 210 by April 17th.  I think 190 would be better, but I want an initial goal of 210 so I can have a big celebration at that point....  then I can set another goal and get ready for the next celebration.  As I write this post, I'm at 229.  My target is 1644 calories per day...  something I have never counted before and on Wednesday, I obtained my black card from Planet Fitness (so I can go in any Planet Fitness anywhere).  I now go to the gym for lunch instead of McDonalds or Wendy's.  I joined the Scentsy Wellness Program and sent my picture in as was required while standing on the scales...  I'm going to do the 5K at the Scentsy Family Reunion in July... some would say - OMG, you are going to do a 5K?  Yes I am.

I'll close with the wonderful ways I am being inspired....  the writing of my friends...  Kirk Weisler on T4D (Thought for the Day) that help me become a better person.  Bernice Taylor, a former neighbor from Safford, AZ who's writings touch my soul....  I want to help her publish her works and of course, Becca Levie...  my Scentsy,  God and life mentor.  She reminded me (and others) today about how we think...  and I am rethinking life as a result.... so this is the week.

The start of a renewed me.