Another Reality Check... unfortunately

It was three years ago this past week that I lost my dad. I think that has been one of the most significant times in my life... an event that aches at my heart even today.  I changed because of it, which is not good, because the change I feel is eating me up inside.  The loss of my dad followed the loss of friends like Mike...  much younger than my dad, who lost his battle with cancer and the loss of one of my most beloved co-workers, Mary.  I remember the day she came to me and told me she planned on retiring in a year so I had a year to find a new Security Manager to replace her (she was not replaceable as a person).  A month later we cried in my office when she returned from a doctors visit and told me she had just been diagnosed with cancer... then I remember the day several months later I put her on a plane back to Boseman to be with her mom and the sparkle of her eye, grandson Max.  She died a week later.

As much as I try, I am devastated by the loses in my life... death is the ultimate loss.  However, loses whether at the hands of death, divorce, separation or being transferred around the county are taking their toll on me.  I've had my fill.  I work hard to smile...  to do good... to do what is necessary.... but I have lost energy, I'm running out of the ability to remain positive.  I am alone.

Today, I have just read a message from yet another friend who has been in full battle mode since 2009.  She writes on her blog at CaringBridge:

"Very sad news yesterday. My sister in law lost her battle with cancer. She has been very very sick. MY love goes out to my brother and the boys..


It also brings us to not such good news or me either.. I am know receiveing blood and platlet infusion 3 times a week. This is all the is keeping me alive. The doctor are giving me just a couple of weeks then they are going to suggest I stop receiving the treatment. I rarely get out of bed. Only sit up with the kids are a few hours is lucky then I am back in bed. Barely eat anyhting, At least I haven't vomited in a few days and the fever, rigors, sweats and exhaustion are setting in. That's why I haveN't written It is a real chore to come into the basement to use the computer. My vision is reallly blurry. And I can't reallly see what I am typing.

So because I have no idea when something could happen I want to let everyone know just how much I love you. I have been trying to find some majic words to write to all of you but I don't have them. I am scared, really sick, frustrated and at my emotional end.

Each and everyone of you has meant something special to me.Please remember me with a big smile, hearty laugh and open arms.


Live well, love more. Thank you for loving me and all your support during my battle."

How can I complain, this wonderful mother has acknowledged she is about to pay the ultimate price.
 
Life is too short.  Life can be happy, life can be sad.  There is no reason to be alone and sad.