I'm feeling again very over whelmed, very uncared for, very unloved and at wits end. Being at wits end is not all that bad because I still have the slight belief that I can move forward, the problem is that finding the forward direction has been a challenge.
I'm struggling with Ryan and ice hockey and what I perceive his attitude and mind set is about it and of course, can not talk to him about it. That seems stupid, but it is what it is and I can't have the conversation because all I get is looks like I don't know WTF I am talking about, there is always a reason (aka excuse, IMHO). I want to help, but an not allowed. I feel bad that the opportunities have been given and squandered. It try and not succeed is one thing, to try and do things the wrong way is another.
The same is true with Travis... want, want, want... heaven forbid I should ask to do something as simple is wash a car or to take the garbage out. I will say he is doing well in school, hooray for that, that is most important. I hope the attitude does not get in the way of it.
I have asked for help around this house and at the New Salem house many times this week.... Carol (who does nearly everything around this house in B-town) went to new Salem one time, no children went at all. I asked to get the pool taken care of so we could close it more than a month ago, it looks like David might have done something for maybe 20 minutes in the past couple of days, but it is no where close to being ready... but then again, it was only a month ago I asked. Carol or I take trash cans to the curb and back, 99 of 100 times. Putting a full recycle bin in the middle of the kitchen floor is nothing more than an obstacle to walk around.
I left David a message asking to get he cat smell (and crap) out of the basement, the smell is nauseating in the basement. Keeping crap picked up in the house (not just be David, but by ALL who live here) is like asking them to donate a kidney. I get asked to call when I can talk freely... ha! That means someone wants to bitch and give me their opinion and complaints, which I don't care to hear.
All that is going through my head is negative... why won't it go away? There is no love around here, of any kind, but it has only been that way for five plus years, but who's counting and who cares.
