I am so under the weather and feel like a loser ...
Much of it may be mental, but the numbers have turned against me.
I'm just not ready.
Having difficulty putting up the fight ...
Feeling its all for naught.
How do I stay positive?
I don't know.
How am I able to get up and move?
I do not know.
How do I put up a fight?
My mind is full of losing the fight.
I can't clear my mind.
I'm so alone, but I know you're there.
I was suppose to start my second 28 day round of chemo (lonsurf) ...
But the doc says I'm not well enough ...
This is when people die from chemo she says.
I'm not ready to go.
My CEA score went from 29.2 on my birthday, December 5th, to 85.1 today.
That is about double my previously highest score ever.
the norm is less than 5 ...
this is not good.
Don't get hung up on CEA they say ...
but when it almost triples in 2 weeks, something is wrong.
Blood counts are low, too low.
I can't get sicker, I have nothing left inside to fight with.
Thanks for not giving up on me, I feel too weak to fight for myself.
We'll test it again next week ...
If you are over 45 years old ...
talk to your doc and get screened if you haven't already.
Don't wait, it can only get worse ...
Find this rat bastard early and sight to beat it ...
but get screened EARLY.
I beg of you.
- - -
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6 comments:
Dan, you are a fighter!! Give it all you got! But just as important is continuing to eat well and let your body (and mind) rest. Praying for you and sending you positive energy my friend.
You are the farthest thing from a loser! I so admire and care about you and send my deepest wishes for strength and hope💞
"Life has two Rules: #1 Never Quit; #2 Never forget #1".
In the years I have known You I cannot recall hearing the word "quit" coming from You very often. That's not to say You haven't shown frustration with circumstances. That's human nature for all of us. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't have the valleys & peaks as we travel along this path called life. And You have been more of a trailblazer than a follower.
How many people doubted You when they couldn't buy in to what You knew was possible? Did it mean You always got it right the first time? Of course not. But did that stop You from trying? Not when You knew that there had to be a way.
Please don't quit now. Miracles are there for the asking. They are fueled by all the positive elements especially Love.
Just do the best you can to stay healthy: eat, exercise, take needed meds, keep a positive outlook. You have two choices - to fight or give up. Please keep fighting as long you can. Prayers up for a treatment breakthrough that will help you.
Hi Dan, I am praying God wraps His loving arms around you and gives you peace and comfort and healing. Dan, have you heard of:-------------The Burzynski Clinic it is a controversial clinic offering an unproven cancer treatment. It was founded in 1976 and is located in Texas, United States. It is best known for the controversial "antineoplaston therapy" devised by the clinic's founder Stanislaw Burzynski in the 1970s.--------I have watched videos and read articles on this doctor who has cured many cancers. It might be worth checking into. At least watch a video or 2 and read up on a few patients he has cured. Thinking of you cousin, and still praying. God is with you, He is in you, and He loves you. Don't ever forget that! I love you! Beth
Dan, you are the fighter that we are all proud of! It may seem like you are weak, but remember you are stronger than you know and wiser than you will ever realize. You are not ALONE! We are all with you, even those of us who are physically distant. You have set a high bar for all of us! You have inspired us to reach higher and fight harder. I know it gets tough, but you are tougher! We all love you!
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