I was able to get up to Boscawen, NH today to make a short visit with my dad, I really needed some fatherly wisdom and time with him. It is days and weeks like this that I miss him so. It's not that we would often sit down and have heart to heart talks... I just looked up to him to help me figure out what I needed to do. Sometimes the answers might not have been perfect for everyone, but they were perfect for me. My dad was occasionally a man wiser than his actions, but he always had the best intent. So do I.
I'm so sad I can't fix what's wrong... at least to the liking of others. If I don't fix things, I feel like I'm living in a world of discontent and hearing about how messed up things are. If I work on fixing things I feel like everyone needs to tell me "there way" rather than support me in my efforts, making it just as bad, if not worse. I'm between a rock and a hard spot.... I'm like a dog chasing his tail.... I'm overwhelmed and wont it to be better. How do I get there.
I didn't need to ask Dad, I know the answers... I went there to confide in him and for acceptance and support without reservation of complaint. I knew he would help without judging. I knew he would be there no matter what. I had no where else to turn.
On a side note, until I saw this picture, I didn't know I looked as old and aged as I do. Guess I'm glad I don't have to look at me... I'm beginning to look how I feel
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After thought: One of my Facebook friends just posted "Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on" While I like that, I'd love to be able to move on with those around me rather than have to create a whole new circle of friends... is it worth the effort or best just to forgive and forget those that can't forgive and forget without continued drama? That post was followed with ""Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that ? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained." There is lots of good advice out there, I should just heed what I already know.
1 comment:
This year has also been a real struggle for me profesionally and personally. I sympathize with what you are saying and feeling. I walked away from a high paying career of 12 years, so I could finally sleep at night and it has not been easy. The older I get the more I think their are no right or wrong answers, but I am beginning to realize life is to damn short to follow anyone elses dogma.
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